A Reflection of My 20’s

IMG_2536So a couple days ago, I turned 30. I have been dreading it for a couple months now. I’m not really sure how I’m already to this point in my life. As a teen or even a newly turned 20 year old, most people picture themselves having it all together by the age of 30. You picture yourself with the ideal family, being financially stable and just all around successful. Now that I’m here, that’s laughable.

Now that I’m 30, I realize I don’t have it anymore together than when I was 20. I’m still me — an overanalyzer, messier than I would like, insecure about certain things and always looking for reassurance in many situations. One thing that has changed though, is my faith. I’ve always had faith in God, but the older I get, the deeper that faith runs.

I’m so thankful for my twenties and the spiritual growth that has taken place. This is one of the many reasons why I didn’t want to leave my twenties. I know it’s just a number, but Mabry Kate was physically with me in my twenties. I often find myself thinking about how sad it will be, or now is, to leave that decade because that’s when I had her and that’s when I was with her. But then I remember. I remember that my age is just a number, and regardless, she will be with me in my 30’s and beyond. She is with me always!

Through God’s works, she is the one responsible for growing my faith. And when Owen came along, he taught me to be faithful in a different way.

You see, when Mabry Kate was diagnosed, I had nothing else to cling to. The doctors couldn’t do anything, my family couldn’t do anything, my friends couldn’t do anything, and worst of all, I couldn’t do anything to help her. Only God. I placed every ounce of faith I had in God. I wanted so badly for Him to bless her and us with a miracle of earthly healing, but ultimately, I knew that she was in His hands, and there was no bigger comfort than that.

I recently went to Nashville with my best friend to hear a young preacher speak, Clayton Jennings. He is on fire for God! One thing that he kept saying that resonates with me personally is that only God can take an ugly situation and turn it into something beautiful.

Only God could take the evil and disgusting diagnosis of Krabbe Disease and turn it into a life saver for Mabry Kate’s brother, Owen. Only God could take Mabry Kate’s suffering and turn it into a life saver for future babies in Tennessee through the Mabry Kate Webb Act. Only God could take the seemingly broken life of a terminally ill child and turn it into an incredible blessing for me, my husband, my family, my friends and countless others who I have never even met. She never spoke a word, but through God, she grew my faith.

She taught me to be faithful through Owen’s transplant. Of course there were many scary times that caused me to worry and become anxious during the process, but deep down I knew that God had, and still has, this situation under control. No matter what was or is said by nurses or doctors, ultimately God has the last say. There were times that maybe I should have worried more, but I didn’t. I just had this deep flowing faith that kept my mind in check. God’s got this.

Owen is literally a living miracle. His DNA is embedded with a terminal illness. He should have shown significant regression by now, but instead has shown none.

And Mabry Kate is also a miracle, but in a different sense of the word. We may not have gotten the miracle we prayed for — complete healing on this earth, but God has healed her. And through her, He has healed Owen. And through her, He will heal future babies in Tennessee. And through her, He has healed the hearts of many and strengthened the faith of thousands, including me.

So, I will carry her with me into my thirties and beyond. She will always be in my heart until I can have her in my arms again. Age is just a number, but I’ll always be thankful for my twenties and the strengthened faith I received from it.

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