For my first blog post, I want to express my thoughts on waiting. This is something my husband and I have done a lot of throughout the past couple years, and more often than not, it can be frustrating.
Time is something that always seems to work against us. When you’re waiting for something, time seems to slow way down. When you’re having a great time, time seems to fly by. It seems it is always working in the opposite way we would like it to.
Throughout the past year to two years, Kyle and I have really gotten to know what it’s like to wait. We waited almost a year and a half to become pregnant. I know this isn’t as long as some couples have to wait, but for anyone who has struggled to get pregnant, waiting for it to happen is really tough. I thought God was trying to teach me patience in the waiting we experienced becoming pregnant, but little did I know He had more to teach me about patience in waiting.
As you probably know, once symptoms began to show for Mabry Kate, we waited almost 4 months to get her diagnosis. All the while, she continued to regress. We felt helpless. Once your child is given a terminal diagnosis with a short life expectancy, unfortunately whether you want to or not, you often find yourself waiting and wondering when the inevitable will happen. This was a daily struggle. I never wanted my mind to go there. I always wanted to enjoy each and every moment we had with her, but sometimes (despite your best efforts) your mind goes where you don’t want it to.
Once we found out we were pregnant again, we waited yet again to find out if he had Krabbe also. Once Owen was here, it became an even bigger waiting game. We knew going into it that we would be here in Durham for nearly 6-8 months, so when we arrived back in March, the waiting to come home with a happy and healthy baby began.
With Owen’s transplant, we waited for the chemotherapy to be over, we waited on his hair to fall out (which thankfully never happened), we waited on the effects of the chemo to go away, we waited on the transplant, we waited on him to engraft, we waited on his breathing to get better, we waited for the word “discharge” to creep out of the doctor’s mouth, we waited on the hold up the insurance gave us just before discharge, we waited until the day we could actually take Owen outside, we waited 110 days to start as much of a normal life as we could with our new son.
And now the wait continues. We wait for his body to continue to improve enough to come home, to our real home, in Tennessee. Waiting has seemed to become the story of our lives. When will all this waiting stop? Unfortunately, I don’t think it will.
In addition to everything we continue to wait for with Owen, we will always have a longing in our hearts to see Mabry Kate again. So we continue to wait. We will be waiting for the rest of our lives. I have recently been reading a book simply called “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. I wanted to get a good idea of what Heaven, where my baby girl is, is like. I want to know what it will be like when we are all together as one big happy family.
As I was reading it, I came across a section about time in Heaven. It discusses how there has always been a misunderstanding that “time will be no more in Heaven.” This couldn’t be further from the truth, because, as Alcorn mentions, there are numerous references to time in Heaven in scripture. Some of my favorite examples he lists are:
- “Heaven’s inhabitants track with events happening in time, right down to rejoicing the moment a sinner on Earth repents (Luke 15:7).”
- “Paul spoke of Heaven in terms of ‘the coming ages’ (Ephesians 2:7).”
- “We’re told that ‘there was silence in heaven for about half an hour’ (Revelation 8:1).”
- “Martyrs in Heaven are told to ‘wait a little longer’ when they ask ‘how long’ before Christ will judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge the martyrs’ blood (Revelation 6:10-11). Those in Heaven couldn’t ask ‘how long’ or be told ‘wait a little longer’ unless time passes in Heaven.”
All this to say, since there is time in Heaven, that means there will be waiting also. The difference is that, in Heaven, time will be on our side. Everyone will be in their perfect form, there will be no more sickness or death and there will be no more tears. With all of that in mind, waiting won’t be painful in Heaven. My favorite part of this section of the book “Heaven” says this:
“When we say good-bye in Heaven, we’ll know people won’t die before we see them next. Time will no longer be an hourglass in which the sands go from a limited past to a limited future. Our future will be unlimited. We’ll no longer have to ‘number our days’ (Psalm 90:12) or redeem the time, for time won’t be a diminishing resource about to end.”
Though the waiting we go through now can seem long, tedious and painful, ultimately it will be worth it! The pain and suffering we experience now won’t be given a second thought when we are in Heaven. Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to live eternally in Heaven, where time is on our side.